One of the hardest things for me to deal with right now is not working. I have always loved my work – teaching ballet, directing a school, choreographing, working with dancers, producing performances. For a long time, I did this on my own in small-town America; most recently I did it with a larger professional organization. But the work was essentially the same in both – long hours, lots of different skill sets used, the satisfaction and pride found in helping dancers of all ages and levels learn and grow, the fun in creating, the sense of family that is built through time spent together in these pursuits. My work has always made me happy, because I felt like I was accomplishing good things. So, to go from spending 9-12 hours a day at work, moving virtually non-stop from task to task, to doing almost nothing, in comparison, has been challenging.
When I used to have a day off, I luxuriated in being lazy. I love to read and watch tv and movies, I like jigsaw puzzles and coloring. I have a few games on my phone, and can always scroll Facebook and Instagram. But those activities, for me, are about rest and giving myself time to recharge, so that I’m refreshed and ready for work. I need purpose.
But when one’s purpose has always involved gathering groups of people into a large room and dancing, and that is not currently an option, what can be done? Can one’s sense of purpose be re-purposed?
I’m working on finding the answers to those questions for myself. I’ve been exploring teaching ballet online. It’s not ideal, but it’s better than nothing – and the classes I’ve taught have definitely been the highlights of this time of social isolation. I started this blog, as both a way to challenge myself creatively and provide myself with a daily task, and I have enjoyed the process and the feedback I’ve gotten. I’ve also been making lists of little projects that need to be accomplished each day – mostly mundane, like work out or vacuum, but writing them down makes me feel more motivated to actually do them, and then it feels like I’ve done something purposeful when I complete them.
Most importantly, I’m trying to keep in mind that sheltering in place has its own exceptional purpose – saving lives. When I look at the current situation from that perspective, then spending an afternoon watching a movie or putting together a jigsaw puzzle doesn’t seem quite so frivolous, after all.
Penny Askew 